I Confess I'm a Forgiver

When was the last time you confessed? When was the last time you told someone your deepest darkest secret. Or told someone how truly and deeply you loved them. Or told anyone how badly you hurt someone and they still don’t know you are the cause of it? When was the last time you looked someone in the eye and owned up to the little voice that gnaws at your perfect little brain?

I have. No I won’t tell you my secret you idiot. What’s the point of a confession if it isn’t kept a secret. How did I get to this topic you wonder? I get two words for you. Count Down. A Thai movie, based of new beginnings with a very, very twisted plot. I would recommend it to anyone who likes the darker side of life. Imagine if Jesus, or rather God (Taking to the fact that I’m not religious anymore) himself came down on New Year’s eve and made you confess your deepest darkest secret. Do you think it would give you redemption? Would it make the load lighter? Would it ‘SET YOU FREE’? Or is your soul truly beautiful to not tell anyone your confession?

What if God, in all his glory gave you that one hall pass in life to tell someone you are the reason that you are the reason they are hurt. Do you think that God’s forgiveness would be enough? Or would the forgiveness of that person be the one thing you desire most? The most important question of all… Do you think you deserve the forgiveness? Or even better… Do you think you would even be considered to receive it. I’ve hurt a few people in my life and I know how important forgiveness is. Ask yourself. The last time you were hurt, did you forgive that person for hurting you? Or do you still let it fester inside you?

I was watching the Matrix tonight. A brilliant movie… light years ahead of its time. But there was one line that Agent Smith says that got me thinking. “The purpose of life is to end” Now whether we end it with a smile on our face or to end it bitter is our choice. No one ever said life would be easy. I mean I’m 26 and I’ve my perfect share of bullshit in this town. Or rather, in this world. But the one thing it has taught me? Forgive and don’t forget. After all, we weren’t brought into this world to made fools of. But forgive. It’s the best way to give your heart the rest it deserves.

Just out of spite,
I confess I've ruined three lives
Now don't sleep so tight
Because I didn't care till I found out that one of them was mine. 

-       The English Beat – I Confess

The Guru Babu

Being unknown and a man behind the scenes is a role he plays well. Taking centre stage is never his cup of tea. Joking at mass, driving his beloved car and irritating my grandma is what he does best! Yes this post for none other than my ONLY fan and uncle, Babu a.k.a Dexter Martins.

Don’t ask me why the name Babu. He isn’t a Godman or a priest (thank god for that). But I can proudly crown him as one of the major role models in my life. He always indirectly showcases his talents in the most oddest, yet modest ways. He gets the class of being a gentlemen from my grandparents, but the child inside somehow I think has never left. His love for life is astounding. Without him my childhood would have been ghastly! And my siblings would agree to this and so would my mom and aunt.

From painting socks on family dogs, to carrying home snakes in jars, he has done it all. The hilarious family photos and the Boney M music. And always my favourite, Kris Kristofferson.

He is the only man in the world who made me hate watermelon (Thanks so much Babu for stuffing me with them that I’m full forever!)Fishing in the local river would have never happened without you. The Iconic trips to the SHA factory. The soda drinking competitions, and the prize was of course another soda bottle. The carvanda trips on the hills and the Mannies patties!

The Sunday visits! Who could ever forget that! The long waits at the main gate to hear the honking of the white DL Maruti to turn along the bend. Babu somehow knew how to do everything in style. From the RayBan sunglasses, to the woodland shoes and the eternal crème coloured pants with the white cotton shirt. No one can do it like you babu. Oh and the moustache! I always hated the fact that you were so far away from us! I think this post is way past it’s due!

Thank you for being the awesome uncle. For teaching us right from wrong and for making us see the fun in life! We love you, always!

Love the Dasilvas, the Pereiras and both the Martins!

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now.
And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,
You know feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee. – Kris Kristofferson.

Run.

Run, it’s one of the few things in life that come free.

No one ever put a price or charged you to put one foot in front of the other.

Run for happiness.

Run for liberty.

Run for those who glorify you.

Run for those who insult you.

Pound the ground with every thump.

Pass on your energy.

Let passersby feel your energy.

Run it through them like the electrifying current that will shock them.

Inspire them.

Show them you got what it takes to feel alive.

Chase the sun.

Race the wind.

Howl at the moon when you are alone.

Feel the sunlight envelope you.

Feel the moonlight as it casts your shadow on the grey matter that we call cement.

Let time feel you as it passes by.

Let it feel your presence.

Give your body the chance to bathe in your own sweat.

Let go of your emotions.

God gave you feet for a reason.

Use them.

Let them feel used.

Let it feel the pain of glory as they pass every mile.

Cry. It will make every run better.

Let your tears mix with the sweat of your brow.

Taste it. That’s what winning feels like.

Run. It will let you feel the real you.

Run. It will inspire you.

Run. It will help you breathe.

Run. It will set you free.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say - Snow Patrol 'RUN'

It's a Doggy Dog world :D

I am a Dog lover. I am a sit on the floor in white pants, leave my family behind on a walk, ignore my friends and run after a dog, kind of lover. It's the only species in the world who will make you laugh, help you cry, never say anything to you when you are frustrated, cuddle with you when you sleep even after you get mad at him/her, eat the same food from a packet 365 days of the year without complaining, go for a run with you willingly without any complaints and love you unconditionally.

I feel sad to say that I don't have the opportunity to keep 'Man's best friend' as part of my own family, but the hope of me owning my own place gives dreams of raising my own critter. The other day I was at home watching Marley&Me, and the dog in that movie is adorable. I could actually imagine the joy that dog brought to the set everyday. The burst of energy on the set. The motivation that dog had to wake up every morning. The charm he had to move an entire audience to love him even more.

A few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and met a stray on the way. All it took was one second to realise that poor guy was hungry. Now I'm no believer in giving alms to beggars (I'm sorry but i just don't believe in it) but I do take time out to feed a dog. And there is one thing in this world you must try. Feed a dog. Take 5minuets out of your day to buy a 4 rupee packet of Parle G (no one said that the biscuit has to be fancy) tear it open, and feed it to him one by one. And there is one thing you will experience. And that is undying gratitude. All it takes is a wag of a tail. The pant of a tongue and a tiny twinkle in the eye. And you know you have changed someone's life forever.

Sometimes i wonder what goes on in a dogs head. What does he think when his master comes home? I bet he goes "Oh! Here he comes! Quick! Wag your tail! Jump up on him! Then he is bound to give you a doggy treat! Dammit! i would give me my own doggy treat if the shelf it's kept on wasn't so damn high!" Or if you go to the park, "Run you fat bastard! That flab won't go anywhere unless you run! If you get a heart attack then who the hell is gonna feed me!?" (I know that's mean! :D) Or when they see a hot female dog they go, "Bow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow".

My walks on marine drive are the best. It doesn't just give me the chance to re-connect with myself, but with dogs. My friends hate the fact that i run away mid conversation and hug a golden retriever, but heck! Who gives a damn!

Try loving a Dog! It's one of the best things in the world!

It's a crazy mixed up world, it's a Doggy Dogg World - Snoop Dogg.

It's all about the Gay-Way

Last night I was watching Brothers&Sisters, which I am kind of ashamed to say is one of my favourite dramas. I could probably sit all day long and watch all the episodes from all the seasons, and probably cry over certain scenes where Nora actually shows her motherly love. But when I watched a particular episode, it got me thinking about homosexuals, because a son in that family happens to be a homosexual. And it occurred to me that some many people are not ready to accept the 'Gay-Way' of life.

It's a wonder how some people discriminate homosexuality. Actually, from perception, i believe the term 'Homosexual' should technically be speaking done away with. To me it's such a bad term like 'Arachnophobia'  or even 'Root Canal' for that matter. Painful right? :) So imagine what a gay person feels. I personally don't have a gay friend. (I like using the term gay because it makes me feel that they are happy 24X7) But I accept them with open arms.

I say boohoo to the people who don't accept the 'Gay-Way' of life. How can you say that we belong to a free, modern, ever-changing world, when you yourself can't accept the fact that people change too? It's sad for parents who think that they have raised a child who is a devil child when they come out of the closet. Coming out of the closet is the toughest, I guess. I wouldn't know. But I feel sad when children are afraid to tell their parents that they are gay.

In my opinion, how can you discriminate people who are like you. In that case don't say that you are modern. Don't use a cell phone. Don't use a microwave or a fridge or anything modern. Life is all about acceptance. Take in what the world is. Know what is right and wrong. Know where to discriminate and where not to.

I know this blog post wont make much of a difference, but I wanted to speak my mind. If a God fearing person believes in going to hell for turning away a poor person, then turning away a person who is gay does the same damn thing. Think twice. Be equal.

We’re just the same don’t you know
We’re just the same don’t you know
Looking over there
He looks different, she looks different
They might even be different
But we’re just the same, don’t you know
We’re just the same, don’t you know
We’re just the same - Howard Jones

Who wears these shoes!

Women are like shoes. You may think why, but I will tell you how they resemble that little accessory that adorns our pretty feet. When you sit at your desk at work some days, and do nothing but think about random thoughts, the ephinaneous moments that hit you during those moments are the ones that make you think the most. Yesterday I sat at my desk doodling away to glory, when I spied a pair of shoes that make me reflect on life. And now I shall explain my random theory in detail J

The slipper/flip flops aka the Converse-

The flip flop is one of the most comfortable pair of footwear known to man. If you ever have to run down to pick up something or maybe run to the bank when you are at home, lounging around, the flip flop is the number one item you will most likely pull out from your shoe rack, throw down on your floor, shove your feet in and make a dash to your destination.

The same way, the flip-flop resembles our mothers. She is our comfort zone. The one person, when we are in need of help in a hurry, we always call. She is the one person who knows us very well, and knows how to keep us comfortable. She is the one who we can call in the middle of the night, when I doubt or when the baby is sick, and ask anything. She listens when we cry about a skinned knee, a sick child or maybe even a broken heart. She cradles you in her arms when you are burning with fever. She makes your favourite food on your birthday. And plus she shows our how pretty our feet really are!

The pair of running shoes/the All Stars-

They are one pair of Adidas or Nike running shoes that are always in your closet. The pair you wear the first thing in the morning. The pair of shoes that hug your feet tightly and make sure you are comfortable no matter what type of surface you a running on. The ones that don’t make you feet sweat. The shoes which you wear when you go for a hike and you don’t feel an ounce of pain in your feet.

This pair of shoes is your best friend. The one who is there for you through thick and thin. The one who tells you when you have put on weight and who tries and helps you shed the pounds. The one who shops with you for hours and hours and still never gets tired. The one who sits with you at a coffee shop and checks out hot guys with you even though she has a boyfriend. The one you call first after your heart is broken. The one you call immediately after the first date with the guy of your dreams and tell her how he kissed you. The one whom you tell about how you want to marry that guy and have kids with him. The one you make maid of honor on your wedding day.

She loves you no matter what. She will bitch about the girl who makes you feel bad or even fat. She will stand by you, even when the whole world is against you. She will tell you when you are wrong and share a drink with you even when both of you are on a diet! She is your partner for life even though you may have a husband. She will always have your back. And she is the type of shoe that you never want to throw out and hoard for the rest of your life.

The pair of pumps/the Aldos-

They are the pair of shoes that look pretty and cute and are comfortable to wear. They are expensive but worth the price paid for and they are your comfort pair of shoes that you wear to work. The one that you wear and walk to work because that’s the pair of shoes that help you to get a good day started. The shoes that motivate you to go to work every morning and keep your mind off things that are hindering your thoughts.

This pair pumps is your sister. The sibling that helps you forget all the stupid things happening in your life. But the one who comforts you in times of need. The one whom you can easily steal money from and she won’t mind. I used the term expensive for the fact that the younger sisters (like yours trulyJ) always extortion the elder one for things that are not relevant and very expensive, and somehow get them anyway. She is the one who takes you out for a treat. The one who brings you things as surprise. The one who talks about your own parents and takes your side because he understands what you are going through.

The high heel shoe/the stilettos aka the Jimmy Choos-

This pair is everyone’s favourite. Everyone vies for a pair of heels that make your legs look like a killer pair when you wear them. The ones that you look at in the window and walk in the store and ask if you have that shoe in your size. The one that everyone will envy. The ones that can be bought only with a debit or credit card.

This pair of shoes is your boss. She is the woman every lady wants to be. You aspire to get her position. But she is also hard to please. You have to take care of her and please her just the way you have to take care of your expensive heels. You have to make sure you do everything her way. If you wear her for just the right amount of time, she will be good to you. However, if you end up wearing her for a very long time, at the end of the day, she will end up giving you shoe bites and back pains. After all, you shouldn’t over do yourself with the boss, right?

The gladiators/the Tresmode-

I know this pair is in fashion right now, and every bimbo in town is wearing them.

 But when I try this pair of shoes, I think of the tomboy. She is that zip up pair that you feel comfortable with. The one who reminds you to kick back and not worry about the cute guy and to not try too hard to make him fall in love with you. The one who tries to be so boyish in front of the guy they like but cant help to be all girly in front of them. This pair of shoes may have belonged to men in the earlier centuries, but hell they make a girl’s leg look freaking sexy! And I love them!

I know this breaking down might help you identify and connect with you ‘shoes’J! And as always I’l end with a kickass song!

My friends all say don't got to pieces
I say that's fine but if I lose
I want to know who's in my foot steps
I want to know who wears these shoes- Elton John.

A salute to my fellow Pundits….

I write this blog as a tribute to my colleagues at my office at ‘Pigtail Pundits’. I’m going to miss you guys like crazy! All the times where we have spent all our working time working and joking around. But I want to thank each and every one of you! Without you’ll, my working at Pigtail would have been such a bore! 

To my darling Trupti. Our friendship means a hell lot to me! Our time at KC and here proves that we are not only good class mates or co-workers! It also means that our “relationship” has gone to the next level. All the times of sitting and gossiping and backstabbing “YOU-KNOW-WHO”. Without you, the top floor was just quiet! I’m sorry for all the times shish and me have pulled your leg or played our stupid spanking games! But you know we will miss all this. Oh! and your ‘HOT-BAI’S’ bhaji. :P even though you are the baby of the office, I love you for your openness and straight-forwardness . You are the best ever! I can’t wait to work with you again baby! :)

To Shishir. I can’t stop laughing to think how much fun you and I have had! Being my next door neighbor at work! (and I mean literally for the fact of being in the next booth). I’ll miss you and me making Trupti our number one target! Especially with all that vodka and whiskey! And your mom’s vegetable pulao! OMG! No one cooks that amazingly, ever! And whenever I look at dhaniya I will always think of you! :D thank you for showing me that I’m not the only person in this world who thinks that pulling out dandruff from one’s head is not disgusting! And for teaching me how to do my own eyebrows my pulling out my eyebrow hair with my own fingers. Thank you for taking up all the boring work that I could never do! And I will try my best to put your name in the Guinness book of world records for creating the most number of headlines for SEO work. And I know my dabba cloth will not be there anymore for your daily picnics! I’ll miss you and tupu so much! And never forget my theory about tea bags! 

To Chetu. You are the best designer I know! I wish you the best in life always! I will never, ever forget your moms pickle rice. All the times I stole your dabba just to eat that one dish your mom used to send every once a week. And the amount of PASS-PASS you have fed all of us! I will never forget your naps on the stairs and your drugged looks at us after lunch! Your wagging tongue. LOL!!!! Believe me, if I could work with you guys again in other firms, I would do it in a heartbeat! The Amul Shrikhand business will never go out of business as long as you are alive. But I still want to know how you maintain that figure!? It will always be a mystery! 

To Rohini! You amaze me! You are Wonder Woman in your own way. Your guts to face any fight, your way to use a touch phone. The amount of chapattis your mom sends! And the rajma! Shishir, tupu, you guys would agree, right? You are one bad ass female whom I totally love! Be this awesome always! Daddy is so proud of you :D. and don’t wash your hair everyday! Remember my words. You look awesome. Don’t lose any more weight. You have a figure to die for.  Thank you for all the rotis you have gotten us as a filler whenever we have run out of them. And the many cakes you have got to office and we have stolen away from you. Thank you teaching me how to cheat and chat in office.

To sandy. I would have never known this much about hookahs and trance music if I never met you. The amount of chewing gum you have given all of us will suffice us till the end of the world. And the aam acchaar from the canteen! I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET IT THANKS TO YOU! 

To Praful. I will never forget the potato bhaji and fried potatoes! Your moms prawns rice and jam lunches! Thank you so much for joking in the office always. And your never ending list of girlfriends! I hope you find Miss.Right :D. Don’t worry, she is out there! 

I wish all of you the best of luck in your futures and I hope we will all work together soon someday! I love you guys. I will miss our gossip sessions on the stairs and out in the gardens about our usual topics and bitching about the ASS. For all the sandwiches and bhel plates, coffees and biscuits, walks to the atms and running for the trains. You guys have made my first working months memories. You guys are always awesome! You made me smile in my 7 months here. You have been my family and home away from home. I hope you guys feel the same that I do. I love you guys always….

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever